"I'm sorry, excuse me?" I said. His kind eyes peered down as if I were his child (and in a way I assume I was). We stood on a cloud, surrounded by only more clouds and the blue of the sky. His heavenly radiance was blinding to my eyes, yet inside I could see him, though I don't remember his face. Alone in the sky, like a child to be reprimanded by a teacher, I was nervous. With a faint smile on his lips, he repeated.
"I said, did you enjoy your stay in Heaven?"
I looked down at myself. I appeared as though I was when I was 26; in the prime of my life, my favorite version of me. Before the change, the inevitable slog, generic wife and kids, and quiet death alone in the home.
"I'm sorry, I'm just confused. That was Heaven?"
He chuckled. His laugh was soft, and yet loud at the same time, the kind of laugh that fills a room and makes everyone's day a little better. After a thoughtful pause where he stroked his luscious white beard, He responded.
"I assume it's not all you took it to be, child?"
"To be honest Lord, no. The scripture says Heaven has many mansions, and that we all live in harmony in worship of You, Lord."
"You seem to be misinformed, son. Life is Heaven."
I, taken aback, took a breath as if to speak, only to reconsider and retreat into thoughtful repose. He smiled his toothy white smile again, and He grasped my tiny hand with His own tan, time-worn hand.
"You see child, to feel is to have grace. Those who do not attempt to find love have condemned themselves to their own Hell. You my friend, did not make the most of life. You never aspired to more. Your aspirations stopped at a trophy wife and two children you never grew close to. All your life the Holy Spirit was in you, driving you towards more, yet you ignored my calling to you because grace scared you. So I tell you, life is Heaven, but it is also Hell. Your downfall was your lack of love for yourself and those around you. So perhaps, I phrased my question wrong. I should ask, How did you spend your life?"
He concluded his speech, and dissipated into mist, leaving me alone in the astral illusion. I pondered His words. It was no fault of my parents. They provided me with a roof to sleep under, my values, and their love. Surely they lived a heavenly life. Was it my friends in high school? Getting up to no good, abusing the excesses of life only to wake up the next day to the same routine of monotonous repetition? No, all my friends ended up happy in the end. It wasn't my surroundings or the people I was surrounded with. The blame wasn't that of religion, or that of temptation. And I felt one tear, then two, then more than I could ever count as I recalled every single mistake, my life suddenly crystal clear in its wasted potential. Then, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"So, do you see now?" He said.
"Yes." I whispered.
I couldn't see Him, but I knew somehow He was smiling.
"Then perhaps you might yet find Heaven."
I felt myself falling through the clouds, faster and faster and my memory began to fade and everything became dark, except for a pinprick of light. And soon enough, the light expanded until an all encompassing white light, blinding me, only accompanied by the excited cries of two excited people.
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