I was sitting in my bed, scrolling through Twitter when an angel of God smashed through my window, leaving shards of glass and smears of blood all over my carpet. This shocked me so profoundly I ended up hitting my head on the headboard of my bed, and leaving a gnarly bump on the back of my head (though this was, at the time, the least of my problems). The figure struggled to his knees, and lifted his face so that we made eye contact. Well, if it's possible to make eye contact with... glowing sockets. The place where his eyes should have been instead emanated a majestic white light, making my dark green walls appear to be just a little bit lighter than they actually were.
He lifted his bony, brown hand, and said, "Get up. We need to go," at which point he interrupted himself in a fit of bloody coughing. After his break, he finished with the logical next word, "now."
I, genius I am, grabbed my paint chipped wooden sword I bought from the renaissance fair (in third grade might I add), and pointed it at him. The being just scoffed. Then, he made a shoo motion with his hand, and the sword hit my wall.
"You're more foolish than He made me think," the angel said.
"What... what the hell are you?" I asked.
"What does it look like jackass?"
Then, he grabbed me, lifted me clear off of my bed, and dragged me towards my window. Outside was a mob of people, throwing rocks, bottles, and even a knife up at the hole in my window, but they all bounced off as if the glass were still there.
"Are you doing that?" I said incredulously.
"No, that's Pope Francis, I'm just the help." he said, and continuing with the theme of treating me like a child, led me by the collar into my hallway.
"Listen here you little punk. And I'm only gonna say this once. The big man said I'm responsible for helping you, but he also said I can't hurt any of those people out there. Now because I have to take a mortal form to consort with you, I am now not immortal, ergo I can die. So here's what we're gonna do. We are going to fix this mess right quick so I can leave you here and get back where I belong. Comprendo?"
The only thing I had comprehended throughout his entire rant was the bushiness of his dark mustache framing his thin face.
"Christ Almighty..." he muttered, and stood up, "look, what could you have done lately to upset them?"
"I don't have a clue! I've just been going to school and doing my work. I didn't tip a waitress one time at the Steak and Shake."
"If I knew more ways to say shut up, I still would have used them by now. Why do I even bother asking you questions if you don't know anything." he responded curtly. Then, in deep thought, he unfolded his wings from seemingly empty space, then folded them in again, over and over and he pondered the situation.
"Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go in there and see what they're saying. Incommunicado, of course. Turn away."
I did, and when I turned back, he was a beautiful woman in her late 20s, with thick blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. And... it doesn't matter what he looked like, because under all that makeup he was still there, so I'll just continue. She walked down my stairs as I followed closely, and opened my back door.
"You stay here. You're only gonna get yourself into trouble if you stay." her voice was strangely masculine, but I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't seen him turn into her.
After his disappearance, I sat at my kitchen table and wondered how the mob of people possibly could have been outside that whole time without my knowledge, surely I would have heard them at some point? But sitting there, I couldn't even hear the wind blowing outside. In fact, the sky was growing dark at 5 o' clock on a spring day. Something was wrong. Sitting myself and going to my front door, I found the sky to again be slightly dark, but completely silent, despite a horde of people moving their mouthes directly outside of my house. When I stepped outside, I saw the sky was a blood red, and the people were screeching and hissing, not talking. One of them pointed at me, and they rushed at me on all fours, crying their blood-curdling screams as they flew toward me. I responded with a blood-curdling screech of my own, and stepped back inside my house. I backed away slowly from the door, only to find he/she right behind me. I jumped at that as well, and the now (normal?) guardian poked me in the chest.
"You should've listened. You really should've. You're gonna get PTSD or some shit now you moron."
"You're really a dick for an angel you know."
He laughed at me.
"God is perfect, we're just very close to it." he said.
"What is going on out there?" I asked.
"Well, it seems like you went a bit far with one of your tweets about your classmates."
I didn't go that far. Just calling someone a shill isn't that bad is it?
"Well whatever you did you really ticked them off. So our friend here contacted a couple of his 4chan buddies and had them plant a minor thing in your computer..."
"Which was?"
"It had to do with kids."
I threw up on my floor. Several times in fact, and my guardian, shockingly out of snarky comments, looked on with sympathy.
"God sent me to help you out, because to be honest you don't deserve the shit you're getting. Problem is, our buddy Lucifer doesn't like angels coming to his domain, even though it's not that often. So he... helps out of the opposing side from time to time. He poured a lot of resources into Vlad the Impaler, Hitler, etc... I don't know why he chose to target you as well though. Regardless, we gotta call in the big guns to resolve this."
He knelt to the ground, extended his wings, and prayed. Stupefied, I waited, and when he finished, he looked at me and smiled.
"We're good."
He opened the door, and the sky was a brilliant white. The formerly animalistic mob was writhing on the ground, as a red smoke dissipated from their bodies into the light.
"What..." I said.
Guardian smiled.
"I prayed for their forgiveness."
"That's... kind of a lame conclusion actually. I expected you to go in with a sword or something, like in Revelations."
His smile disappeared.
"Does this look like Revelations to you?"
It did not.
Soon, the people came to their senses, and made their way back to their homes and their families. Guardian helped each and every one of them if they needed it, thought he didn't always look thrilled. Then, there were no more protestors in my yard, just me and my guardian angel.
"I'm... I'm in a bit of shock actually. I don't know how to deal with the fact that... God is real, Satan is real, there are angels and demons... oh my God I need to write about this!"
"Not so fast bucko. I gotta erase your memory. Can't have you remembering this."
"But... why? It's so fantastic."
"Because it is fantastic. You need to disbelieve it to have faith in Him. So goodbye until next time, friend."
Guardian touched my forehead with a smile, and I drifted to sleep, only to wake up in my, with no recollection.
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Not thrilled with the ending, but I was exhausted and on a deadline when I wrote this. Maybe I'll revisit it some day.
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